Ask The Principal

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

A typical scenario

A victim of a bully generally puts up with a lot before he/she either seeks help or blows up. The "narc" syndrome, or in Columbine terms, the "conspiracy of silence" is really a formidable opponent to the safe school environment. The bully often will spend days, weeks, months giving small, subtle, sneaky little harassments. Each little incident on its own is hardly worth reporting, but they build up and build up. Sometimes a victim "loses it" and goes off on the bully. Since no harassment was ever reported the bully appears to be the "victim".

After several hours of investigation and questioning of students (many, if not most, intentionally lie because of this "narc syndrome") most of what has been happening emerges. The kid who "blew up" is at an emotional peak, may have really hurt the bully, or may have given the bully the "open door" to pummel the victim. Both get suspended from school and the original victim gets a double whammy, while the bully gets a vacation.

There are interventions and strategies to deal with these situations, but the point is not that there are terrific interventions, the point is that the hostile condition exists in the first place. Again, even the safest schools are only "safe" in relative terms. This relativity is not based on the safety afforded to our children in our homeschool homes, but rather in comparison to some ambiguous idea of an urban school with metal detectors and drug deals on the playgrounds.

Of course there is little challenge to most schools to provide a safer environment than say some inner city schools, but that "safe" isn't even close to the "safe" I want for my children

2 Comments:

  • The bully often will spend days, weeks, months giving small, subtle, sneaky little harassments. Each little incident on its own is hardly worth reporting, but they build up and build up. Sometimes a victim "loses it" and goes off on the bully. Since no harassment was ever reported the bully appears to be the "victim".

    That was the Widdle Baby Pwecious Darwing brother I grew up with, who had both our parents firmly in his crowd of Yes Men.

    Every day for twenty years at home and twelve at school, getting the blame for everything.

    I would give anything to be a bully, the Alpha Male who everybody sucks up to.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, August 21, 2006 12:54:00 PM  

  • Dear anonymous,

    The resentment expressed in your sarcasm is telling. I'm sorry for your disfunctional upbringing with, what we would call, the provocative victim of a brother.

    BTW, your personal lack of contentment in your life's circumstances will not be corrected by being an "alpha male" or a bully.

    One thing that bullies fail to realize is that no one really likes them, trusts them, or is loyal to them behind their back. A bully's crowd is raucous and self serving.

    Things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control are often not part of the bully's existance.

    Anonymous, sounds like these things are not part of your existance now, being an alpha male won't make these any closer.

    Bill

    By Blogger The Principal, at Sunday, September 03, 2006 1:34:00 PM  

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